Caregivers, Let’s start off right!
Father God, we pray for the Caregivers! We just want to say thank you! Thank you for revelation, inspiration and dedication. We ask that you bless the eyes that come upon these words, give them a heart to receive, a mind to understand and the intentions to do something about it. It’s in your name… Amen.
“Caregivers..It’s not easy but it’s worth it!“
I read a post that said “Caregivers go through more than they will tell you. They give up a lot and rarely have a social life. They can get sick and emotionally worn out. It’s a lot for one person. We never really know until we walk the path of a caregiver ourselves.”
Truer words have never been spoken so well. As a serial caregiver within my family, both immediate and down the bloodline. I personally have learned that God’s grace is sufficient. I do understand that not everyone is in the same situation as myself. I have the grace to do what I do.
Being a caregiver was part of the reason I became a Funeral Consultant. The other part was my grandmother would always tell me from the time I was a child, I always wanted to go to the funeral whether I knew you or not and be the one to console those that were hurting. One day I was in my bed and heard the Lord say, do it! Open a Funeral Consulting business. Where He leads me I will follow! I am anointed to do what I do, it’s not being conceded, it’s humbly expressing that God put me in this lane and I walk it.
I believe my hands on care giving began in 1996 with my grandfather. Who was my heart. He raised me to know how a man should spoil you and I haven’t found anyone to match him yet. You know I laugh to this day about the story between him and I when I was born. My mom was a young single mother when she gave birth to me and my grandfather being a father and a Deacon in the church was furious that she was pregnant and I’m sure the fact my father was fourteen years older did not make it easier.
I was told the story that when I came home from the hospital he wouldn’t even look at me, let alone hold me. But, one day I was crying and no one was in the vicinity but him. I don’t know how long it took him but he picked me up! Let’s just say he was in love ever since. The bond we held was amazing because he was my father figure.
Then on one grim day May 1, 1996 he had a pain and we took him to the hospital and he was in there for weeks and all I remember is the Dr. telling us that they found a progressive cancer and he didn’t have much longer to live. The Dr’s had been treating him for arthritis. They said it would be no more than a few weeks before he would be gone. My hero, my invincible man, how could this be. We brought him home and he didn’t last 2 days.
I was by his bedside when he took his last breath. He hadn’t been eating, and he wasn’t talking but I asked him if he wanted ice cream and he shook his head yes. I hurried to go get it. I think it was my grandmother who said you’re putting too much in the bowl. I ignored her and went and took him the ice cream. And I sat by his bedside and fed him. He finished it all. Then he looked up and said I love you and he was gone. That was the start of my broken heart. Today, I find it a privilege that he let me give him his last ice cream.
Then the journey continued, I lost my great-grandmother. Who raised me to be the classy lady I could be. I remember she moved to Florida and I followed right behind her for vacations. We were inseparable. I was the apple of her eyes. Then one day she said she wanted to come home back to NY and I didn’t consult no one, I paid for the entire move, gave her my apartment and I was happy again. But, who knew within a few years she’d leave me too.
She was diagnosed with cancer and I didn’t leave her side. She got to the point that she had the death rattle and I knew the time was close. That night I was there alone with her and I don’t know what made me do it but I went in the living room and I dozed off and when I woke up I went to check on her and she was gone. She couldn’t leave with me by her side because neither one of us could take it. So my heart broke a lot more.
Then wouldn’t you know it, life happens and then here we are again with my grandmother. The Reverend. God has a sense of humor. My grandmother and I got really close in the last year of her life. I mean she became my best friend. I could talk to her about anything. No condemnation, no weird looks but she listened. She was so proud of me and would often remind me that my grandfather was too. She would still sign cards from both of them.
I watched that woman battle all types of cancer for years and she became my superwoman. Nothing in my eyes could take this woman down. But, that wasn’t working any more. One day the pain was so bad we took her to the hospital and the Dr. came and said she didn’t have much longer to live. I dried my tears and I marched into her hospital room like a soldier she raised me to be and promised her that everything was going to be okay. With tears in her eyes she said are you sure and I said it is well!
I promised her I’d take care of everything and I was going to make sure everything was done to be as fitting as she was. So she looked into my eyes and said thank you. She then said to me I have one more request. I said what, she said I want to go home with you. And, I told her DONE! I made sure everything was ordered to make her as comfortable in my home as she could be. I missed Sundays and bible study because I wouldn’t leave her side and then reality happened.
One night I left her side after telling her I love her and I went to my room and I left my door open because at that point she had the death rattle so I could hear her from my room. I dozed off and woke up not even an hour and I didn’t hear the rattle. So I went to her and I didn’t turn on the room light. I used the light on my cell phone cause I’m like she’s finally resting and I don’t want to disturb her and I touched her hand and looked at her face and she was gone. Once again someone had to leave when I had gone.
I made sure everything was ordered to make her as comfortable in my home as she could be. I missed Sundays and bible study because I wouldn’t leave her side and then reality happened. One night I left her side after telling her I love her and I went to my room and I left my door open because at that point she had the death rattle so I could hear her from my room. I dozed off and woke up not even an hour and I didn’t hear the rattle. So I went to her and I didn’t turn on the room light. I used the light on my cell phone cause I’m like she’s finally resting and I don’t want to disturb her and I touched her hand and looked at her face and she was gone. Once again someone had to leave when I had gone.
It is to this day that when I sit with a grieving family who is on the verge of losing a loved one, I tell them to leave their side because they are fighting to stay because they know you can’t take it. They won’t leave til you walk away.
I am beyond blessed that each person chose me. These are just three of the many stories I could share, but it is my journey that has fit me for my purpose.
So to all the caregivers out there. It may get rough and it is tough but you are making one’s last days be their best days by having you!
In His Name,
Lady G
